I Am a Giant Idiot

I did something stupid.  I mean… beyond stupid.  I do a lot of stupid things, but this is probably the most stupid thing I’ve done in years.  (Maybe.  But I don’t feel like reminiscing, and trying to remember the last time I did something stupid.)  Ok… here it is:  I tried to dye my dark brown hair blonde.  By myself.  At home.  Yeah.

Here’s the thing… back before I moved to New York, I worked in a salon for about five years.  I wasn’t a stylist; I was a bookkeeper/office manager, but I did pick up a few things along the way.  I learned how to cut hair pretty well, actually.  I cut my own hair all the time, and The BFG’s, and I’ve never messed it up.  And I understand the principles of dying/highlighting hair, and have done my own since I moved to New York.  But I’ve never attempted to bleach and tone my hair all over.  A few highlights are one thing – or coloring my hair brown… but bleaching is a whole different animal.  And – frankly – I got cocky and thought I could do it, no problem.  This was a mistake.

I’ve only tried to do this one other time.  When I was in 11th grade.  I dyed my hair dark red, and about six months later, I decided I wanted to be a blonde.  I did not realize at the time that going from red to white blonde is not something you should ever do at home.  Actually, it’s probably something you should never do at all.  Anyway… I messed it up horribly and ended up with chickadee yellow/orange hair.  It was beyond bad.  So bad that my mom let me skip school the next day and took me to a salon to have it fixed.  I learned a valuable lesson that day.  Or so I thought.

Although I had red hair for years, I went back to a dark brown – similar to my natural color – about two years ago.  And I’m pretty sure whatever underlying red there was has since been cut out.  So I wasn’t really concerned about any red that might be in my hair.  And I have been blonde before.  When The BFG and I started dating I had white blonde hair.  So I knew my hair could get to that color.  I figured I’d have to bleach it once or twice and then tone it, and I’d be good to go.

WRONG.

I guess I have a naturally red pigment in my hair somewhere.  Because even once I toned it, it was still pretty yellowish.  Not even remotely as bad as when I attempted this in high school, but still… not great.  And unnatural.  I think if I bleached it once more I could get there, but I’m afraid of turning my hair to mush at this point.  I’m getting married in five and a half months, and I’d like to have long hair for the wedding.  I know one more bleaching would probably do enough damage that I’d have to cut it pretty short.

So I thought about it; tried to think of a way to salvage it; called a hair stylist friend who immediately admonished me and advised I seek professional help immediately; and ultimately decided that blonde was not the way to go at this juncture.  I decided to go red again.  I realize that by going red again, I definitely won’t be able to go blonde in the next few years, probably, but that’s fine.  I just wanted my hair to be a normal, human color.

Well… here’s where things get even more ridiculous.  I went out for red dye at 9pm last night… I don’t know what my urgency was.  I was tired, and not really thinking, and just wanted normal hair again; bought the dye, came home, and applied it.  But I forgot something.  You can’t just bleach your hair, decide you don’t like it, and then cover it up again.  Bleached hair is very porous, so you need to fill it first, and then color it.  Obviously, I didn’t fill it in my tired state.

So now my hair is… dark pinkish reddish.  It’s worse than when it was just yellow.  Way worse.  I would have loved this color when I was twenty.  I was always doing crazy things to my hair back then, I would have absolutely killed for it to be this color.  But not now.  I am not nearly cool enough or punk rock enough (or punk rock at all) to pull this off.  So I’m giving my hair a rest for a few days (oh, and not leaving the house for a few days) and then putting brown on top of the red.  I’m thinking the red will be an okay filler.  We’ll see.  If that doesn’t work… I’ll go to a salon and have it fixed.  But I’m really embarrassed and would like to avoid that if I can.

Here’s the kicker, though.  Here’s what makes this so bad, and here’s why I want to fix this so urgently.  The BFG and I are having our engagement pictures taken next weekend.  Yes.  Oh yes.  I AM SUCH A MORON!!  I guess I wasn’t thinking.

Sometimes I am very impulsive, and Friday I just decided I wanted to be blonde again and set out to make it happen.  I really should have slept on it… talked to some friends about it… but no.  When I decide to do something or that I want something… I go out and get it/do it.  Sometimes it’s good… like when I decided to start my own business.  I went out and made it happen, and my little business has become quite successful.  But other times… it’s a really bad thing.  Like right now.  Or when I’m shopping.

I’ll let you know how it goes… whether I fix it or all my hair falls out.  Could go either way at this point.  I might be wearing a wig for our photos.  But let’s hope not.

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