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You Live in NYC – Let’s Be BFF!!

I just got an email from someone who I used to be good friends with years ago.  We had a falling out around the time I moved up here, because I finally saw she was actually a very negative and vindictive person.  I don’t like people who are constantly negative and pretend to be happy for others successes, and then secretly say terrible things behind their back.  She didn’t do this to me; I was the person she always came to to talk shit about others.  And of course we all gossip, but this was different, and it made me uncomfortable… so I was done.

Anyway.  She’s moving to New York.  And acknowledges our falling out, but wants to rekindle the friendship.  Because – wait for it – she doesn’t know anyone else in New York.  This happens CONSTANTLY.  People who I am no longer friends with… or people I never actually shared a friendship with at all… or people who sat in Biology with me ten years ago and said two words to me… these people come to New York, remember I live here, and want to be BFF because we live in the same city, and they don’t know anyone else.

New York can be a very lonely place when you first move here if you don’t know anyone.  I went through a year of feeling completely isolated and alone and hating it and thinking I hated New York.  It’s tough.  And it was especially tough for me to make friends, because I’m actually very shy and socially awkward.  But eventually I did.  I made some amazing friends, and I can’t imagine my life without them.  So I get it.  I get that these people are scared because they’re moving to this crazy city alone.  But they’re not contacting me because they think I’m a super cool person.  If that were the case, we would have remained friends or – in some cases – become friends back when we had the chance.  They’re contacting me because I’m the only person they know here, and I guess someone is better than no one?  And I feel kind of offended for some reason.  I don’t know if I should or not, but I do.

I don’t know how I’m going to respond to this person’s email.  Part of me feels like I should give her another chance, meet her for a drink, and see how it goes.  Maybe she’s matured in the four years since we’ve spoken.  I should give her the benefit of the doubt, right?  But a bigger part of me just genuinely doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to get sucked into her path of negativity and destruction again.  So… yeah.  I don’t know.  Hard to say.

But a word of advice… don’t use people just because of where they live.  I’ve had people who I haven’t spoken to since high school call and want to stay with me while they’re in NYC.  Don’t be that person.  It’s really rude, and it puts the person on the other end in a really uncomfortable position because they’re probably going to say no, and if they don’t say no, they’re going to resent you the whole time you’re in town.

I know… complaining about a negative person in turn makes me a negative person.  Lame.

UPDATE: After inspecting (or snooping around… whatever phrase you prefer) this person’s Facebook page to find out what kind of person she’s become in the last four years, I have decided not to write her back.  Apparently she got a boob job and literally has topless photos showing off how much she loves her new breasts.  Clearly, she has not matured and has, infact… what is the opposite of matured?  Devolved?  I don’t know, but that’s what’s happened to her.  Case closed.

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