Tag Archives: stupid

I Can’t Think of a Title

I am not a bridezilla.  I want to make that perfectly clear.  So far, I haven’t let wedding planning become a big deal.  I don’t care about centerpieces; I don’t care about flowers; I don’t care about chairs.  There was a little drama when I bought my wedding dress in November, but it had nothing to do with the dress itself.  (It’s a long story, but my mom freaked out that I bought a dress without her being there.  Even though she lives 1000 miles away, and had no plans to visit in the near future.  And even though just the day before, she said she’d be fine with me going ahead and getting a dress, because the dress I wanted was on sale for one day only.  And I’m not made of money, so there was no way I was getting that dress unless it was on sale.)

The only things I care about are having awesome photographers (which we do) and that the food is fantastic (which it will be) and that everyone dances their asses off (which they will, because I have a wonderful friend DJing for us.)  Oh, and that all my friends and family are there to celebrate.  That’s the most important part.  Just having everyone in the same room on such a special day, ready to throw down with us… I can’t ask for anything else.  I don’t have expectations that this will be the “happiest day of my life.”  (God, I hope it’s not, otherwise… what’s the point?)  I just want to throw a fun party, and it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be JOYFUL.

So, with that said, I am having a majorly huge wedding-related crisis that is making me want to cry and pull my hair out and yell and scream and throw a temper tantrum like a two year old.  Most likely my best friend in the universe, the person who has been my partner in crime since 11th grade, the person who is the closest I will ever come to having a sister, my maid of honor… will probably not be coming to the wedding.  She has decided to go to grad school, and she has to take the chemistry GRE before she can apply.  And guess what is the only day she can take this test before the grad school application deadline?  October 9th.  My wedding day.

I mean… what can I say?  Obviously her education is way more important than my wedding.  I can’t ask her to blow this off for me; I would never dream of it.  And I know she’s just as upset as I am.  Right now I’m trying to figure out a way for her to take the test up here (she still lives down South) on the morning of the wedding.  It’s not ideal, but at least she’s still here.  I’m not mad at her.  I’m just mad at the universe for doing this to me/us.  I originally had two maids of honor, and now I most likely have zero maids of honor.  (What happened with the other one is a long, very sad story for another time.  I am not ready to talk about it.  She’s not dead or anything horrific like that, but still… sad stuff.)

Going to grad school has been a dream of hers for a long time, and she has the means to do it, and she shouldn’t compromise that for my wedding.  But it doesn’t make me any less upset.  I think I’m allowed to be kind of devastated.  I mean, after The BFG, she’s the second most important person to me in the world.  I can’t even begin to imagine not having her at my wedding.  So… I don’t know.  There’s not much to say.  She has to do what she has to do, and as always, I will support her no matter what, because she’s my BFF and I love her, and I want her to follow her dreams.  But make no mistake, I am completely and utterly devastated.  And I know that sounds ridiculously dramatic, but oh well.

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I Am a Giant Idiot

I did something stupid.  I mean… beyond stupid.  I do a lot of stupid things, but this is probably the most stupid thing I’ve done in years.  (Maybe.  But I don’t feel like reminiscing, and trying to remember the last time I did something stupid.)  Ok… here it is:  I tried to dye my dark brown hair blonde.  By myself.  At home.  Yeah.

Here’s the thing… back before I moved to New York, I worked in a salon for about five years.  I wasn’t a stylist; I was a bookkeeper/office manager, but I did pick up a few things along the way.  I learned how to cut hair pretty well, actually.  I cut my own hair all the time, and The BFG’s, and I’ve never messed it up.  And I understand the principles of dying/highlighting hair, and have done my own since I moved to New York.  But I’ve never attempted to bleach and tone my hair all over.  A few highlights are one thing – or coloring my hair brown… but bleaching is a whole different animal.  And – frankly – I got cocky and thought I could do it, no problem.  This was a mistake.

I’ve only tried to do this one other time.  When I was in 11th grade.  I dyed my hair dark red, and about six months later, I decided I wanted to be a blonde.  I did not realize at the time that going from red to white blonde is not something you should ever do at home.  Actually, it’s probably something you should never do at all.  Anyway… I messed it up horribly and ended up with chickadee yellow/orange hair.  It was beyond bad.  So bad that my mom let me skip school the next day and took me to a salon to have it fixed.  I learned a valuable lesson that day.  Or so I thought.

Although I had red hair for years, I went back to a dark brown – similar to my natural color – about two years ago.  And I’m pretty sure whatever underlying red there was has since been cut out.  So I wasn’t really concerned about any red that might be in my hair.  And I have been blonde before.  When The BFG and I started dating I had white blonde hair.  So I knew my hair could get to that color.  I figured I’d have to bleach it once or twice and then tone it, and I’d be good to go.

WRONG.

I guess I have a naturally red pigment in my hair somewhere.  Because even once I toned it, it was still pretty yellowish.  Not even remotely as bad as when I attempted this in high school, but still… not great.  And unnatural.  I think if I bleached it once more I could get there, but I’m afraid of turning my hair to mush at this point.  I’m getting married in five and a half months, and I’d like to have long hair for the wedding.  I know one more bleaching would probably do enough damage that I’d have to cut it pretty short.

So I thought about it; tried to think of a way to salvage it; called a hair stylist friend who immediately admonished me and advised I seek professional help immediately; and ultimately decided that blonde was not the way to go at this juncture.  I decided to go red again.  I realize that by going red again, I definitely won’t be able to go blonde in the next few years, probably, but that’s fine.  I just wanted my hair to be a normal, human color.

Well… here’s where things get even more ridiculous.  I went out for red dye at 9pm last night… I don’t know what my urgency was.  I was tired, and not really thinking, and just wanted normal hair again; bought the dye, came home, and applied it.  But I forgot something.  You can’t just bleach your hair, decide you don’t like it, and then cover it up again.  Bleached hair is very porous, so you need to fill it first, and then color it.  Obviously, I didn’t fill it in my tired state.

So now my hair is… dark pinkish reddish.  It’s worse than when it was just yellow.  Way worse.  I would have loved this color when I was twenty.  I was always doing crazy things to my hair back then, I would have absolutely killed for it to be this color.  But not now.  I am not nearly cool enough or punk rock enough (or punk rock at all) to pull this off.  So I’m giving my hair a rest for a few days (oh, and not leaving the house for a few days) and then putting brown on top of the red.  I’m thinking the red will be an okay filler.  We’ll see.  If that doesn’t work… I’ll go to a salon and have it fixed.  But I’m really embarrassed and would like to avoid that if I can.

Here’s the kicker, though.  Here’s what makes this so bad, and here’s why I want to fix this so urgently.  The BFG and I are having our engagement pictures taken next weekend.  Yes.  Oh yes.  I AM SUCH A MORON!!  I guess I wasn’t thinking.

Sometimes I am very impulsive, and Friday I just decided I wanted to be blonde again and set out to make it happen.  I really should have slept on it… talked to some friends about it… but no.  When I decide to do something or that I want something… I go out and get it/do it.  Sometimes it’s good… like when I decided to start my own business.  I went out and made it happen, and my little business has become quite successful.  But other times… it’s a really bad thing.  Like right now.  Or when I’m shopping.

I’ll let you know how it goes… whether I fix it or all my hair falls out.  Could go either way at this point.  I might be wearing a wig for our photos.  But let’s hope not.

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Web MD is Not Your Friend

…Or my friend at least.  I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac.  It probably stems from my mom, who took us to the doctor whenever we sneezed as children.  I’m certainly not insulting my mother… obviously she loved us, or she wouldn’t have bothered.  I’m just saying… that’s probably where my hypochondria tendencies come from.

I’m terrified of doctors, and although I go to my normal, yearly check ups and whatnot, I don’t like it.  And I’m always sure there’s something terribly wrong with me.  And of course, I’m always fine.  I recently had to go to the hospital because I was having a weird, persistent pain in my abdomen.  My regular doctor wouldn’t see me on short notice, and advised I go to the ER because it sounded like it could be appendicitis.  I reluctantly agreed to go on the prodding of The BFG and The BFG’s mother, who is a nurse.

The ER doctor did a routine ultrasound, made a weird face, left the room for a second to check on something, and returned to find me crying hysterically.  I was convinced she’d seen a tumor on the ultrasound and that I was going to die.  “No, no, no,” she assured me, realizing she was dealing with a mental case.  “I just don’t have a clear picture of what could be going on in your abdomen on the ultrasound, so I left to see if I could fit you in soon for a CT Scan.  I didn’t find a tumor.  I don’t think you have a tumor.”  OhWhew.

It wasn’t appendicitis.  It was a pulled muscle.  Because of the ab exercises I just started doing so I can fit into my stupid wedding dress.  Yeah.  I know.

Aaaaanyway.  Now I’m having an eye issue.  I don’t want to go into detail about my eye issue, but one night I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I got out of bed and decided to check on Web MD.  I do this a lot.  It’s a problem.  Good ole Web MD.  Everything is either nothing… or CANCER.  And this was no different.  My eye issue is either completely normal, no big deal OR it’s a possible brain tumor.

So now I can’t stop thinking about it.  And I can’t go to the opthamologist until May 1st, because that’s when our new insurance goes into effect.  Do I have any other symptoms of a brain tumor?  Nope.  And to be honest I’ve had this eye issue since October, but it wasn’t really bothering me, so I kind of put it off a little, especially since I had just gone to the opthamologist in September.  And logically, I’m pretty sure this eye issue stems from the fact that I just started wearing contacts for the first time in September.  When I went to the hospital last month for the pulled muscle incident, they did a full blood work up and found me to be a completely normal, healthy human.  And I’d like to think that if I had a brain tumor… something would have been amiss in my bloodwork, right?  RIGHT?

And I am just so mad at myself for causing myself all this undue stress.  I am going to the doctor the day our new insurance goes into effect, which was my plan before I ever looked this eye issue up anyway.  But now because I just had to check on Web MD, I am going to be stressed out for the next three weeks.

I am an idiot.  I do this to myself ALL THE TIME.  And I seriously have to stop.  I need to block Web MD from my computer, and I need Google to block me from searching any medical terms.  But I don’t think that’s possible.

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